Every Muscle Forward

Wow. So, now I am two classes into Lithe, and I can feel every single muscle in my body like never before. I never realize I had inner thing muscles, but now, they are talking to me. And, my back muscles, I think they are going on strike, and let's not even go to my biceps. They are wicked mad at me.
But, damn, did I miss Lithe.
I missed the focus it gave me.
I missed spending an hour or two working out the kinks in my body in a positive manner.
I missed the high I got from working out.
( I didn't miss sumo or see saw- but its okay to have a few moments of challenge.)

I loved loved loved my time time away from Philly. But, now, while I am back into the what next space, I am back into workout mode.


But, it's different.


I am not on sabbatical anymore. I am not in the space of embracing down time and healing time. While healing is always a work in progress, and while I will always be learning and becoming a better person, I am out there in the real world now. I know what I love to do, and I have the confidence to go out there and fight for it.

But for now, while I find the next place to land, I'll pretend that my life is full of working out and drinking coffee across Philadelphia. I'll embrace hours of working out for the sake of working out, and if I lose weight and stay on track with my progress to goals, that is cool. If I don't lose weight, then that's cool, too. It's less about body size or skinny jeans ( I now wear a size 10 Calvin Klein skinny jean!!!!) but rather being positive and smiling and embracing things like happy monday's and happy hard times.

I'll keep on writing until my next project, and let's see where this goes.

And, I'm Back

Wow. I'm back. And, I am running to my first Lithe class.

Any welcome back advice?

The Good-Bye Bra

So, I'm leaving on a big orange pumpkin to go up north for a few months. While I am going to miss my fam, friends, and Lithe with all my heart, I do have a special gift to keep close to me while I am gone.

One thing about losing weight and changing your body- its is expensive. Not just the working out. Not just the healthy organic food. Not just the whole sabbatical of taking time off working. But-- the clothes. Nothing fits me anymore and I'm even smaller than my old small clothes.

And, I didn't realize that my old bra's weren't quite cutting it anymore and making me look more like 50 than 30. And, what are good friends if not the type to "What Not to Wear" style ambush you and pull you into the Macy's intimate wear section and demand ( nicely) that I must get a bra that gives me the support I need to look my best.

So, yesterday, Kilian and Michele took me to get my girls resized and to get stocked up with a few new bras. It's was pretty hilarious as we perused the aisles and then I tried on and modeled each one- getting either oohs or boo's.

In the end, I was going to buy one, and but then my friends chipped in and got me the second one. And, I laughed and said, "Oh, it's a goodbye bra", and now my friends are very close to my where ever I go!

This time has been amazing. Besides food. Besides exercise. Besides friends. Besides family. Besides gardening. I've learned to always follow my gut and that gut instinct will bring me everywhere I need. And, if I'm lucky, I'll get a goodbye bra from the best friends/ more like siblings that any gal could ask for.

I'm not sure how much I'll be posting in the coming months. I'll just follow my gut.

And forward I go

And, forward I go into this journey. So, I spent my first week without being able to Lithe ( I hope to catch a class this week).

I found a few positive things from it. First, my body needed rest. I remembered that even professional athletes have a season of rest,and since Feb I've been in go go go mode. Some days, I only had 12 hours between workouts. My muscles and joints feel happy and flexible.

I was still able to walk and get exercise in other methods. I spent a few hours pulling weeds and took walks. And, I noticed my huger responded accordingly. I was less hungry then when I am burning an extra 1,000 calories a day, and when I got a little restless from not working out, I didn't run to the fridge. I ran to my running shoes and went for a walk.

I'm glad to know that changes to my life have been really inside me and how I interact with myself and the world. I think that is what it means to be lithestrong, to be healthy, and to be happy.

But, I can't wait to be back Lithe.

When it rains...It Monsoons

When it rains sometimes, it really rains. Like a monsoon. Like a hurricane. Like all that and a bag of chips.

I'm from a working class family- so I excel at getting by with hardly any money. And, since I am progressive, I don't need fancy labels to be happy. Which is one of the ways I've managed to keep my head above water this year while I've been focusing on getting my health back on track and refocusing my life around sustainibilty and away from panic from onecrisis to another.

But, then all of a sudden, I am in the middle of a storm. I go from walking a tight rope on money, to being flat on the ground with the harness breaking off midair.

I'll find a way to bounce through this, I always do. But in the mean time, I probably can't Lithe for another week or two, or buy some fall clothes that fit, or help my mom. And, its the last part that kills me. I like to solve problems and fix things. And, I can't right now.

I made a decision this year to put health before finances. I stand behind that decision. I stand behind the decision to not take campaign jobs that would have had me working 80 hours week. And, I know I just can't quit on my health because I entering into a money crisis. But, it is scary.

Here's to handling what life throws at you.

Setting Sail

So, yesterday was a sad day. Perhaps, I was just filled with a ton of emotions from waking up away from the best group of friends in the world. Or perhaps, it was learning other things.

One thing I learned this weekend, and I think it applies to a lot of life, that it is so much better to work with others and get your friends involed.

Every year, I usually do a crazy fireworks show, with one friend helping. This year, I couldn't really afford to spend a lot of money, or really any money, on fireworks. So, I didn't buy any. Sad!!!

But, it turned out way better. My partner in crime for fireworks and I plotted, and we decided to built a little boat and then launch into the lake at night on fire. In my usual somewhat anxious way, at first I was insistent that it be a secret- a surprize.

But, my partner in crime needed some assistance and we do have four boat builders in the crowd, and then after being kind of stubborn, I realized that it wasn't the surprize that matter--- it was the fun of watching people getting involved.

And, less than 24 hours later, after building boat, sealing it wax, adding ballasts, drilling holes for sparklers, creating a mast, and loading it with kindling, wood, and paper, our ship- the S.S. FraggleRock set sail for the first and only mission.

And, omg, watching it float and burn was phenomenal, so so so phenomenal.

I realized that as long as there are friends who can build and destroy boats, all is right in the word.

And, in that moment, I realized that I didn't need to dwell on the things that are missing from life,or the perfections not met, everything is right there.

Candid Pictures

I still can't look at pictures of myself that are candids. Ones where I am not posing perfectly and control the angle of the shot or the lighting or the tone of my abdominal muscles.

Its in these pictures that I see how much weight I let my body gain. I let my body gain so much weight that even losing 70 pounds still leaves my body larger than normal.

I know I shouldn't be upset. And, I know this contradicts my post where I was really upset that I was told to keep losing weight ( without offering the positive reiniforcement to keep on going). But again, massive weight gain and massive weight loss isn't rational. It isn't normal. It is awful on every level. And, I am letting you into this awfulness.

I pray ( even if you are an Obama hating, George W Bush voting, Sarah Palin loving right winger) that you never gain weight. That you are never faced with losing at least 100 pounds to be normal. I wouldn't wish this on the most evil person in the world.

I wouldn't wish that you miss out on the normal parts of life.

I wouldn't wish that you knew the alienation of obesity.

I wouldn't wish any of this on you.

I know I am strong to lose it and have been going well. But some days, a photo can stop you dead in your tracks.

And, in the past, I just would have started to cry and given up.

But, I am stronger.

And, at my core I am not a quiter.

I'm gonna keep on going so that in the future, there can't ever be bad candids.